What If?

Miranda's Story

Miranda was impregnated by a much older boyfriend who got her drunk and had unprotected sex with her. We’ll call him Rolf. He had a difficult past, abandoned as a young child and placed in a series of foster homes, some of which were abusive. Though he was eventually adopted, it was by an eccentric woman who had been recently widowed. He missed out on many things a family should have provided for him, and received much that no child should ever be subjected to at home or elsewhere.

Rolf was not good husband material, and Miranda knew in her heart that he wasn’t. But, she was very young, and he made big promises, and, she wanted to put a good face on what had happened to her. So, she didn’t tell her family how she’d gotten pregnant, about the drunken seduction. She said she loved Rolf, and they wanted to marry right away.

Miranda’s parents were adamantly against her marrying such an unsuitable partner, and to marry at all at such a young age. When Miranda went to her physician in her early pregnancy, accompanied by her mother, the physician kindly suggested that perhaps Miranda should consider abortion, because she was very young, and her prospects were not good for a satisfying marriage to Rolf.

Miranda said no, she would not destroy her child, she just couldn’t do it. Her mother said she understood, and that the family would help her, that they would all be supportive.

Shortly after Miranda’s decision against abortion Rolf became involved in criminal activity and was sent to another state for several months in a work program for first time offenders. Miranda stayed at home, and wrote to him every day. They asked that they be allowed to marry in spite of the situation if Rolf got a good report from his supervisors and his probation officer, which he would work hard to earn because he loved Miranda and wanted to marry her and be a father to their child.

Miranda’s parents were in a quandary, they did not think this at all a good idea for Miranda, they did not like the choices that were before her. Should they encourage her to reconsider abortion? No, they would not choose for her, it must be her choice. And, even if it seemed practical, they could not bear the thought of destroying their grandchild. Should they allow her to marry Rolf? They very much did not want to do that. But, they were afraid Miranda and Rolf would run away together as soon as he was released, and they knew that could not be good for her or the expected baby.

Reluctantly, and with great misgivings, they allowed the marriage to take place, and everyone hoped for the best. The marriage lasted three years, with Miranda finally leaving Rolf after he again became involved in crime, and she became afraid for the safety of herself and her child.

Determined to get an education, and rebuild her life, she divorced Rolf and, with her small daughter, moved back in with her parents and siblings while she went to school.

About What If

Several years ago I had a realization, an insight, a light bulb moment. I realized that Pro Life and Pro Choice people could not discuss the issue with each other, that it wasn't possible because they were operating from different thought processes. And those thought processes arose from their different theologies.

The Pro Life people see God as authoritarian who has rules and laws and patterns and processes that one needs to know and conform to. They aren't comfortable not knowing the answers. If they don't know them, they go to someone who does know them and follow their instructions.

The Pro Choice people see God as friend and guide, someone who they can consult in unique situations for unique guidance for that situation. No, not "situation ethics," but a flexibility and innovative approach the Pro Life people would not be at all comfortable with.

As a result of their different theological views and approaches, they just aren't going to be able to meet on deciding about abortion.

From that realization, and I'm convinced it is true, I thought, what can be done to bring them together? What do they have in common?

One of the useful things I've learned in my long study of changemaking is: A problem cannot be solved on the logical level on which it occurs. One must go to a higher or lower logical level to find a solution.

So, I wondered at what level the Pro Choice and Pro Life people would agree on the issue. I decided that could be on the level of the desirability of abortion. Neither are pro-abortion. Nobody is in favor of abortion. Pro Choice people are not in favor of it, they see it as the lesser of evils. Everybody wants to avoid abortion whenever reasonably possible.

Both Pro Choice and Pro Life people are pro life, they want the babies to live, and the mothers to live. The Pro Choice people just want the mothers to be able to choose rather than the doctors or the general public whether they will bear a child or not.

I wondered how they might be able to work together at that logical level. Perhaps they could work together on the same objective, but each in their own way, in the areas of their choice, to make abortion unnecessary. Not to make it illegal, unavailable, or dangerous, but to make it so that no woman has to make the choice of whether to abort or not.

How might that be accomplished? I thought it could be done by a person or group acting as a coordinator or idea spreader, loosing a new idea, a new approach to the abortion dilemma. It should be simple and easy to implement, memorable, and innovative, and able to be adaptable to individuals and groups from both sides of the abortion debate.

I thought a simple statement, one that stuck in the mind, one that piqued one's curiosity, that might create aha moments for others, one that could be used by everyone, believable and practical, would be the place to begin. That statement, a question really, became:

"What if all the time, money, and effort expended to make abortion illegal were, instead, invested in making it unnecessary?"

My idea was to find vehicles to spread that sentence throughout the world, in newspaper ads and magazines, to have a newsletter, and telephone support, to share information on how others were working to make abortion unnecessary, not just now, but for little girls being born today when they become old enough to need that help. And, I'd write a book on the subject to help the cause along.

It was a daunting task, and much beyond what I could do at the time. But it has continued to be a project I wanted to launch and promote and develop.

Along came the Internet, and websites and email discussion lists, and I thought I'd add those to my project. Still, I wasn't ready to do it.

Then, along came blogging. As I began to build blogs for my interest areas, and to replace some of my websites, I thought about my abortion project again. Suddenly, I realized I did not need to wait any longer. A blog, simple and inexpensive, could begin the spread of the message, the Question. It could also be a gathering point for the material I'd thought I'd need to gather for a book. Using a blog, I could publish it immediately, as it was being written, and those who want to share their stories can do so right now. No need to wait for a book to be written, edited, and published.

So, this is the beginning. I have much to say about the subject, which I will write as we go along. I'm hoping those who have had abortions, or have considered them and did not have to abort will also share their stories.

What I want, from those who read this site, is:

-Comments from readers answering one of two questions:

1. If you had an abortion, what was not available for you in your life that made the abortion necessary for you?

2. If you considered an abortion, but did not abort, what was available for you in your life that made it possible for you to not abort?

-Comments from readers about ideas for making abortion unnecessary.

-Comments from readers about what you are doing, planning to do to help make abortion unnecessary.

-Comments from readers sharing information useful to the cause of making abortion unnecessary.

-Spreading the word. Please send others to this blog site, spread The Question that heads the main page. Please, if you will, add the URL of this blog http://www.makeabortionunnecessary.com to that question when you share and disperse it throughout the world so that others can come here to join and profit by what everyone else is contributing to the cause.

Thank you.

Let us begin making abortion unnecessary.

Pat Gundry